Coffee I'm not sure exactly how this happened, but sometime within the last few months I've become increasingly addicted to coffee. Granted, my taste has not developed to the point where I can discern a Costa Rican Terramazu Estate from some hot water sloshed around a coffee pot that hasn't been cleaned in a couple of weeks, but I'm still stunned by the development. After an incredibly intense bout of introspection, I've reduced to my addiction to a few key factors.
1) I've moved back across the Mason/Dixon line, reaffirming my allegiance to things like reading and abstaining from sex with family members, and the cold mornings (currently defined as anything under 60 degrees) are much more compatible with a hot beverage.
2) I've become a suit, and in order to complete the change to my new identity, I need to be able to competently trash ubiquitous coffee chains in favor of independent growers in the least accessible places on the globe, while simultaneously pumping money into SBUX (Starbucks) through my Ameritrade account. Nothing screams "I've made it!" louder than a brand-new Dodge Stratus and a heaping pile of self-contradiction.
3) I enjoy hanging out in coffee shops, and I feel uncomfortable raping free Wi-Fi access without purchasing something. I also feel uncomfortable with just buying something and throwing it away, so naturally, I buy coffee I don't want and then drink it. (Oddly enough I just broke into the "USA!, USA!, USA!" chant...)
4) Most people I hang out with drink coffee, consequently, the trait appears more desirable. Other similar concepts that I was once opposed to made more attractive by association include postmodernism, Christianity, and monogamy. Hopefully, I'll stop short of letting Charles make me into a relativist...
On a final, semi-related note, I was rudely awakened this morning by the high pitched whine of an automatic grinder/brewer at my friend's apartment. Had someone immediately offered me a choice between the following two explanations, I would have chosen (B), Occam's Razor be damned!
(1) The sound is from an automatic coffee grinder/brewer.
(2) Somehow I've fallen asleep on the deck of an aircraft carrier, and I'm seconds away from having an F-14 land on my face.
Lastly, can anyone explain why "a F-14" sounds like velociraptors attacking a chalkboard, and "an F-14" sounds like a koala bear crapping a rainbow in my brain? Wouldn't "a F-14" be correct?
1) I've moved back across the Mason/Dixon line, reaffirming my allegiance to things like reading and abstaining from sex with family members, and the cold mornings (currently defined as anything under 60 degrees) are much more compatible with a hot beverage.
2) I've become a suit, and in order to complete the change to my new identity, I need to be able to competently trash ubiquitous coffee chains in favor of independent growers in the least accessible places on the globe, while simultaneously pumping money into SBUX (Starbucks) through my Ameritrade account. Nothing screams "I've made it!" louder than a brand-new Dodge Stratus and a heaping pile of self-contradiction.
3) I enjoy hanging out in coffee shops, and I feel uncomfortable raping free Wi-Fi access without purchasing something. I also feel uncomfortable with just buying something and throwing it away, so naturally, I buy coffee I don't want and then drink it. (Oddly enough I just broke into the "USA!, USA!, USA!" chant...)
4) Most people I hang out with drink coffee, consequently, the trait appears more desirable. Other similar concepts that I was once opposed to made more attractive by association include postmodernism, Christianity, and monogamy. Hopefully, I'll stop short of letting Charles make me into a relativist...
On a final, semi-related note, I was rudely awakened this morning by the high pitched whine of an automatic grinder/brewer at my friend's apartment. Had someone immediately offered me a choice between the following two explanations, I would have chosen (B), Occam's Razor be damned!
(1) The sound is from an automatic coffee grinder/brewer.
(2) Somehow I've fallen asleep on the deck of an aircraft carrier, and I'm seconds away from having an F-14 land on my face.
Lastly, can anyone explain why "a F-14" sounds like velociraptors attacking a chalkboard, and "an F-14" sounds like a koala bear crapping a rainbow in my brain? Wouldn't "a F-14" be correct?
posted by Justin at 10:37 AM 
5 Comments:
So freaking loud isnt it. Welcome to the thunderdoom bitch
"an F-14" is correct because although the letter 'F' is a consanant its pronounced "eff" which starts with a vowel. If it started with an f sound then it would be "a f-14"
How's that Stratus treatin' you?
Here's to post-modern Christian monogamy!
You are making those of us who don't have coffee jealous! Unless you call a brown watery warm substance which forms instantly when hot water is added coffee...which I don't. Is it so hard to brew coffee, eh Nigal?
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