The Frusionator

I'm up in North Carolina for a few days getting the last of my GPTP done to get my PGA card, so I have neither the time nor the focus on putting up a proper post of some intellectual consequence that will incite debate and personal introspection. However, I do have enough time and willpower to post a tribute to my new favorite time waster on the internet- the so called yogurt game, the "prt scr" key, and blogger's picture capability.

A quick glimpse at the title screen prepares you for all out boxing mayhem against the most diverse and increasingly deadly collection of breakfast foodstuffs on either side of the Mississippi. Time to grab your ass-kicking gloves and notify your next of kin...

Fight #1: The first step towared glory comes against Ray Zinbran, who appears to be a giant, yellow bowl of soggy cereal with an axe to grind. Standard equipment is a giant spoon, which he saves for slinging fibery projectiles at you from across the ring in his special move, "Raging Bowl." You (from here on referred to as Lil Mac) better have brought your A game...

... or at least your c game. Ray Zinbran is the typical first round patsy who fights like I assume his namesake would, Ray Charles. Strategy isn't required for this fight, as Lil Mac need only throw punch after punch through Ray Zinbran's pourous defences. However, even while knocked out, Ray realizes that Lil Mac has the potential to bring down the corrupt morning heirarchy and urges Mac not to obsess over his end, but to keep on fighting.

Fight #2: The next step is to take on a breakfast staple so evil that even the homeless will refuse to accept the stumps. Don't let his hobbies fool you, next on the list was "Rip your face off" followed by "Take your mother out to a nice seafood dinner and NEVER call her again." When things get tough, Moe will fall back to the dreaded "Muffinheadbutt" and knock you into next week unless you can preempt him with Lil Mac's Coup De Grace, "The Frusionator"- a devestating blow that will cut through any defences...

... including those offered by Moe Finntop, who crumples, er.... crumbles into the corner and dreams of ponies. Lil Mac is halfway to his goal...

Fight #3: Mac's toughest to date. Dave "A sausage, egg and cheese sandwich" Jenkins is every bit as deadly as the ones you get from McDonald's- with an attitude to match that off the person in the drive-thru. His special move, the aptly titled "Burpscreen", involves emitting a noxious green cloud and throwing a withering barrage of punches through the fog. Only fast feet and fast thinking can keep Mac out of the way of such an onslaught and balls of steel to be able to counter immediately after...

"I've got a problem, and the only prescription is more Fusionator"

...ending the tyrannical reign of Mr. Jenkins and setting Mac up with the final fight against the only Jewish boxer left since the retirement of "Elliot" Butterbean to appraise jewelry in South Florida.

Fight #4: "Papi" C. Debagel- the pinnacle of breakfast. The gaping hole in his chest only serves to remind Mac that he has no soul. "Papi" is on top of the boxing world for a reason, an unlimited array of death dealing moves, inexhaustible energy, and a special move learned from Hemingway on the banks of Lake Michigan that results in an automatic knockdown for Lil Mac- "The Dough Also Rises." Not even God can save Lil Mac now...

... but I can. I rule.