Weekend Bullets

I don't even want to write an intro paragraph...

1) I'm not sure what I was surfing to get to a graphic t-shirt website, but I found this shirt. The shirt really isn't that great, but the description is- "Our most intelligent shirt by far. You see, some kids at an early age in life are labeled as not being "good" at math and are therefore sent on the "slow track" in mathematics throughout junior high and high school. Good kids by all measure, they wind up in class with their "shady" friends who are in general disbelief to see who they once considered an intelligent person share the same math apptitude as them as well as younger pretty girl students who look at them instantly like they are the bad boys for not knowing math, because they are probably too busy partying and getting into fights to learn calculus. Well, to that person I raise my beer and say, "Congratulations sir, I have been down that road and you are going to tear Algebra 2 up this semester.""
2) I was at a local Honda dealership today, investigating my upcoming purchase of a 2007 Civic. Seeing that I've spent the better part of the last three years in a business primarily concerned with merchandising, I'm familiar with some of the tricks of selling. So, here's my short dramatic piece entitled "Monologue for a Car Salesman". Look buddy, you aren't going to con me into purchasing today because you asked me "How much do you want to put down today?" I understand that by assuming the deal and skipping certain steps people are more likely to buy, but probably not people who know what you're up to. Bastard. Yeah, you. You're a bastard. Look at you. You're wearing a sweatervest. I can't take you seriously. Furthermore, had you paid attention to the meaningless questions you asked about what it was that I did, you would have heard say "financial analyst." Even with no prior experience with the field, you might have been prudent enough to know that by just defining the words in my job title, you could tell that my job involves "analyzing finances." You know, crunching numbers. So, when I say that I'm not buying today and say that my reason is "I don't have my down payment ready", you should know better than to try to push me on a sale with "no down payment." I already ran the numbers, I know that taking a few grand off my down payment can cost me into the thousands in added financing costs. In conclusion, I was fully prepared to purchase a vehicle from you, you had it on the lot, I took it for a test drive, I was in. But you ruined it. So, I'm going to go buy the exact same car at the Honda dealership down the road. Congratulations, you're a douche.
3) Today I watched Crash, Be Cool, and Batman Begins. All great movies. Except for the middle one, which is just mildly entertaining. What can I say? I like Dwayne Johnson. 4) Finally, if I was the director of the CIA, I would definately have Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas killed. Or if I was a mob boss. Or someone who knew how to kill people. I'm pretty sure this opinion is shared by anyone with taste. She's on some cell phone commerical, and it makes me wish I was Helen Keller. Seriously, it's like someone took an average body, made it work out, put a couple thousand dollar pair of breasts on it, topped it off with the head of Andre the Giant, and then had Don DeLillo write song lyrics. Charles, feel free to drown this last paragraph out by just turning up "My Humps" a little bit in your headphones.