Marriage A post on the historicalness, state of, or general health of marriage this isn't, rather I think it's more my general feelings on the subject, posted because I can't think of anything else to write about, and I really need to post something, or just put a picture up and call it a post. I realize that the vast majority of you-who-read-my-blog are married, and I'll leave it to you to agree or disagree with the merits 0f my argument-which-is-more-rambling-than-a-real-argument.
Now that I am living with an typical empty-nester married couple that are not my parents here in Ohio, I've had the ability to calmly and objectively evaluate the state of marriage, and with the exclusion of certain perspectives my gender empowers me with, to do so from a fairly detached state. Conclusion: marriage is sweet for women, and not so sweet for not men.
Lest I attempt to speak for women and have Mair rip me a new sociological butthole, I'll concede my lack of authority, but I think we can all agree that women have a lot of very real benefits from marriage, such as a potential cure for hysteria.
Men, however, have it a bit rougher. In no particular order, here is a list of reasons why I really don't want to get married, but I'll concede that I'll probably do it eventually, once I've run out of single friends and reconcile myself to the fact that a voice telling me to do something I don't want to do is preferable to no voice at all.
Hooray America! I can't imagine living anywhere else.
Now that I am living with an typical empty-nester married couple that are not my parents here in Ohio, I've had the ability to calmly and objectively evaluate the state of marriage, and with the exclusion of certain perspectives my gender empowers me with, to do so from a fairly detached state. Conclusion: marriage is sweet for women, and not so sweet for not men.
Lest I attempt to speak for women and have Mair rip me a new sociological butthole, I'll concede my lack of authority, but I think we can all agree that women have a lot of very real benefits from marriage, such as a potential cure for hysteria.
Men, however, have it a bit rougher. In no particular order, here is a list of reasons why I really don't want to get married, but I'll concede that I'll probably do it eventually, once I've run out of single friends and reconcile myself to the fact that a voice telling me to do something I don't want to do is preferable to no voice at all.
- Authority- there are very few things that I care about domestically enough to make an issue of, but I'm pretty sure I don't want to concede any of them. I don't want to own useless crap like holiday decorations, I don't want to spend money on artificially valuable jewelry, and I don't want to remove snow from the driveway. I'd much rather spend a thousand dollars on a painting I don't understand, than $14.50 on a statue of a mouse holding golf clubs made by the millions in China. I don't want to buy some stupid ring, I'd rather give you 200 shares of Microsoft stock, and I don't want tools for Christmas bought with my money just so you can tell me what you want built.
- Time- I don't have enough on weekdays now, and barely enough on weekends. I really enjoy the fact that I can do whatever I want with that time, and don't want to waste valuable weekends doing something like... I don't know, going to the wedding of one of your friend's that I don't know, or don't really like.
- Money- I'm extremely cheap on things girls aren't (personal hygiene products, food, etc...), but not so cheap with large ticket impulse items (video game consoles, multiple books from Barnes and Noble I never get around to reading, GPS for my car because I think more electronic screens are never a bad thing (I haven't caved on this third one yet, but I can imagine I will, probably unexpectedly because I happen to see one at some store)). This issue, especially if I'm at all successful, is going to be huge. I'm half Scrooge, and half MC Hammer, and there are no clear guidelines. However, this is acceptable from me, because it's my freaking money.
- There are lots of other things, but I'm not going to get into them because they are more anecdotal than topical, but it's all stuff that has really soured me on marriage. Basically, it boils down to this, middle aged women are brutal. Chances are if you know a happily married middle aged family, you know a reserved, hollow shell of a man who just doesn't care enough to fight about issues that matter to him.
Hooray America! I can't imagine living anywhere else.
posted by Justin at 9:04 PM 
16 Comments:
To said married women who read my blog: Here's to hoping you'll be much more accommodating in fifteen years! I'm sure you will be, if not, well, I probably won't say anything, because I'm not the one who is suffering. Also, your husbands probably won't tell you either, at least, not unless you release that death grip on their testicles.
All I have to say is: the sociological evidence says that you are quite wrong. In almost every way marriage benefits men much much more than it does women. They only tangible thing women gain from marriage is wealth (not income). Married men are healthier, live longer, earn more money, are happier, report higher sexual satisfaction, and are more likely to be hired/promoted/given a raise at work. So, in a nutshell, the reality is the exact opposite of everything you've said. Married women are actually less happy, less healthy, and make less money than their single counterparts.
My wife's totally less happy. I exploit the living day lights out of that woman, and thanks to religion, there's no way she's ever going to divorce me!! In fact, just to keep up with the national average, I plan certain events during the week to keep her happiness down. Wednesdays I play video games and don't acknowledge her when she comes in the door. Thursdays I track mud into the house, and on Friday I pile the sink high with dishes and then head out to smoke at the bar with my friends without telling her that I'm leaving or where I'm going.
Just think about that next time you're cleaning a toilet bowl or cooking for yourself, Jacks!! And we have no golf-club carrying mice in our house.
Just kidding, but seriously, you're not describing a problem with marriage: your describing a problem with culture, particularly the culture surrounding marriage. There are tons of idiot single people who spend money on dumb things and whose houses are filled with nick-nacks, and tons of very happily married people whose houses aren't, and some happily married people whose houses are and who don't care. The important thing is for you to marry a woman who has a similar perspective on useless shit and marital strife as you do.
And when you find such a woman, her awesomeness will totally kick your ass, and make you wonder why you ever thought it'd be better to be single and avoid the clutter.
We don't have any clutter at my house really, but even if we did, my wife is totally worth it. I'd suffer the stupid statuettes and body creames and jewelry gladly because the amount of money I'm saving and thrift I'm indulging is worth a lot less than having someone totally kick ass to go through life with. My wife doesn't have my balls in a death grip - she doesn't have to. She's quite seriously the coolest woman alive, so the rest of it doesn't matter as much as it would otherwise.
So just marry the right woman, and you won't turn into that guy you hate. Marry the wrong woman, however, and you're destined for a life of abject misery. Probably. I wouldn't know.
Mair-Actually according to the GSS (general social survey) 14 .6% of married women say that they are very happy compared to 5.7% of single women. 21% of married women are pretty happy compared to 15.7% single women. As far as health 15.2% of married women reported that they were in excellent health compared to 8% of single women. 21.1% of married women say they are in good health compared to 9.6% of single women. So sociological evidence actually reports its much better to married (I got tired of doing research so I didn't look up the money part). For what its worth its the same thing for men, they are happier, healthier, and more wealthy.
Mair: here's my counterpoint. The wife on Everybody Loves Raymond. I'm pretty sure we can all agree she's a total bitch, and in my experience- women that age are much more likely to be similar to her than to be like... let's say... Lois from Family Guy (who I'd totally marry).
I won't argue that monogamy isn't a construct favorable to men. It totally is, in that rich polygamous men don't have to worry about roving bands of unsexed adolescent youth killing them and taking their women, or something. Pretty sure I read that somewhere, and that somewhere most likely was "The Moral Animal".
By the way, your income statement is a bit misleading. Yes, if they don't work, they have zero income instead of whatever it would be. However, they still spend money, and probably more money than they would if they were single (assuming a moderately successful husband)- so their spend/income ratio goes from .0-1 (if they remain financially solvent) to an infinite multiple. That's my point. Kind of. I don't even know anymore.
Redhurt- Yes I know your wife is pretty sweet, that's why I tried to steal her when you were dating- remember? Stop rubbing your marital bliss into my raw, oozing rejection.
You're still trying to steal her, and we all know it, and I can't say I blame you. Bitch.
You're still trying to steal her, and I think we all know it, but I can't say that I blame you. Bitch.
You're still trying to steal her, and we all know it, and I can't say I blame you. Bitch.
You're still trying to steal her, and we all know it, and I can't say I blame you. Bitch.
The "bitch" was just for effect, and this is just to drive up your comment count. Sweet!
Holy crap - delete some of my comments. Stupid google.
Look, trying to get at women's (and men's) subjective experience of marriage with GSS data is like trying to do brain surgery with a screwdriver... just not the most precise tool for an extremely complicated job (although it will do in a pinch or in North Korea).
I will say more later.
Okay, I tried to write a comment, but it wasn't nice. Instead of not saying anything at all, I will mention that I understand you're writing provocatively because you like that in your online persona, but damn! You lump all women's behavior together making you sound misgynistic. If you want to make all women sound the same, you might want to question the culture that motivates them to be (allegedly) all the same.
Oh, and you cite a sitcom most of us wouldn't be caught dead watching. Maybe you should rethink that.
E.A.P.- guilty as charged. I do enjoy lobbing a few grenades from time to time and seeing what happens...
I think that our culture is way into the "take life as it comes to you, that's how it really is" mindset and that causes marriages to suck in the way you describe. I believe that, in reality, marriage is often what you make of it. So there are people you would be happier with than others, but in the end a lot of your happiness has to do with how much you invest. If you're a bitch about it and expect your wife to do everything around the house for you (or something like that) and consider it a burden when she spends your money in ways you wouldn't then you'll probably be unhappy no matter who you marry. On the other hand, if you're more interested in her as a person and friend then the extra work you do for marriage seems more than worth it and you'll probably be pretty happy with most any woman. And it gets even easier if you marry someone who interests you as a person and friend without a great deal of effort -- but I think there are plenty of people in history who have had happy and fulfilled marriages to people they wouldn't be friends with otherwise. So, I think its a lot more about your attitude and what you put into it than the objective bottom line.
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