It's like Mardi Gras meets the bombing of Dresden...
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Poetry and Scotch
I'm pretty sure I'm going to rename my blog, and move it to a different address and make it even sweeter than it already is. Redhurt has signed on to help with the technical aspect, and the new format will rock your face harder than my post on Diversification. I had the name narrowed down to Lenin's Sexual Utopia and Poetry and Scotch, and Poetry and Scotch got the nod- unless everyone thinks it is a retarded name and tells me in the comments on this post, in which case the name will still be Poetry and Scotch and you just won't be linked. Just kidding, I'll still link to you.

Anyway, I have a new hobby. A lot of salesman call the shop asking to be connected to the person in charge of purchasing, and since we are unilaterally opposed to getting any new merchandise (we can't sell the shit we've got) I tell them that it's me. After they make their pitch (I'm this bored at work) I try to fanagle some free product for myself as a demo "to see what the members think of it." I've so far been unsuccessful in scoring anything of worth, but I've gotten a hat and have a three-pack of socks coming my way, MSRP $30. They better be some kickass socks, well not really, because I'm not going to order any even if they can wipe my ass for me.


Blogger J. Morgan Caler said...

Do you like Scotch or Poetry?

My verification word was Uhsindn, or more precisely The Uhsindn, a highly prized 20 year old, single malt made at the Moffat Distillery in Airdrie.

12:20 PM  
Blogger Jackscolon said...

Does Tupac count as poetry? Just kidding...

I like certain types of both, especially when well-aged.

12:28 PM  
Blogger CharlesPeirce said...

j. morgan, does continental philosophy count as poetry? I go back and forth...

jackscolon, I like the name. Hit it.

12:35 PM  
Blogger RedHurt said...

does Bono count as poetry?

Answer: no.

4:54 PM  
Blogger J. Morgan Caler said...


I would like to introduce to you a U2 song from their 1991 album “Achtung, Baby,” entitled “Until the End of the World.” In the song, the “I” is Judas Iscariot and the “you” is Jesus of Nazareth. How ‘bout these apples, bitch:

Haven't seen you in quite a while
I was down the hold just passing time
Last time we met was a low-lit room
We were as close together as a bride and groom
We ate the food, we drank the wine
Everybody having a good time
Except you
You were talking about the end of the world

I took the money
I spiked your drink
You miss too much these days if you stop to think
You led me on with those innocent eyes
You know I love the element of surprise
In the garden I was playing the tart
I kissed your lips and broke your heart
You, you were acting like it was
The end of the world

In my dream I was drowning my sorrows
But my sorrows, they learned to swim
Surrounding me, going down on me
Spilling over the brim
Waves of regret and waves of joy
I reached out for the one I tried to destroy
You, you said you'd wait
'Til the end of the world

PS - The only two Tupac songs that I would consider poetry are “Crooked Ass Nigga” and “Let Them Thangs Go.”

8:56 AM  
Blogger Jackscolon said...

11:12 AM  
Blogger StandingOutInTheCold said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1:48 PM  
Blogger StandingOutInTheCold said...

"We were as close together as a bride and groom"
Are they implying homosexual sex between Jesus and Judas?

"You led me on with those innocent eyes
You know I love the element of surprise"
Still alluding to homosexuality. I'm pretty sure they took these two lines straight from a WalMart romance novel.

"In the garden I was playing the tart"
Okay, either thats some new kind of instrument or they're definetly talking about homosexuality.

"I kissed your lips and broke your heart"
Poetic license? Or something more... sinister?

"But my sorrows, they learned to swim
Surrounding me, going down on me
Spilling over the brim"
Do I even have to go there? I guess the bigger question is, why did they have to go there?

So, what we've learned today is that in the early days U2 was a band promoting homosexuality. Today they're promoting AIDS awareness and prevention, which is awesome. You've come a long way boys, keep up the "One" work and maybe spend a little more time with your lyrics. Or less time playing your music where the public might hear it. And about that song...I don't think there was any gay sex at the Last Supper. And I'm pretty sure the Bible doesn't say anything about Judas being a tart, although I suppose it is entirely possible.

Finally, my confirmation word is "bgwlxn" which I'm pretty sure is code for "Those apples are tart, yo"

1:52 PM  
Blogger Jackscolon said...

Maybe Bono is thoroughly postmodern, and while deconstructing the Last Supper read his own flamboyant gayness into the story, because- who's to say he can't?

Incidentally, my confirmation word is qwiplimr, which after I project my interpretation, has a meaning containing something to do with me boning Reese Witherspoon.

2:36 PM  
Blogger J. Morgan Caler said...

To all the Bono-haters out there, I have a challenge. Find me lyrics to a song of your choosing that:

a) Is not from Bob Dylan, Van Morrison, Elvis Costello, Woody Guthrie, etc.,

b) Is contemporary to U2 (1980-present), and

c) Is anywhere close to as good.

You are going to hurt yourselves from falling so hard and bad on your Bono-hating faces.

4:01 PM  
Blogger StandingOutInTheCold said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4:12 PM  
Blogger StandingOutInTheCold said...

Queen, "Bohemian Rhapsody" thats late 70's, though.

Metallica, "Fade to Black" those aren't amazing lyrics, but they're "anywhere close to as good" as Bono's afore-printed gay-fest.

Incubus, "Pardon Me", "I Miss You" They have some terrible lyrics, but those are both decent songs.

Further Seems Forever "The Sound" You might not have heard of them, they're recent but have some good stuff.

Muse Just about anything, but just for arguments sake I'll pick "Apocalypse Please", "Sing for Absolution" and "Stockholm Syndrome" I'm tempted to add "Thoughts of a Dying Atheist" but they repeat "it scares the hell out of me" for most of the song, so it doesn't have as many lyrics. It's still good, though.

And that's just off the top of my head. I could go on forever, baby!

4:17 PM  
Blogger StandingOutInTheCold said...

I forgot to add "Transatlanticism" by Death Cab for Cutie and since I think you wanted to see some lyrics I'll put those up here (I copied these from a website). Oh, and one final caveat, I think that Muse, Queen, and Further Seems Forever all have better lyrics than this one, but its in this comment, and its still better than the Bono gayfest, so I'm putting its lyrics up. Here they are:
"the atlantic was born today and i'll tell you how:
the clouds above opened up and let it out.

i was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere
when the water filled every hole.
and thousands upon thousands made an ocean,
making islands where no island should go.

most people were overjoyed; they took to their boats.
i thought it less like a lake and more like a moat.
the rhythm of my footsteps crossing flat lands
to your door have been silenced forever more.
the distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
it seems farther than ever before

i need you so much closer (x8)

i need you so much closer (x4)
so come on, come on (x4)"

4:31 PM  
Blogger Jackscolon said...

Eat it J. Morgan, U2 sucks

5:12 PM  
Blogger J. Morgan Caler said...


Queen, "Bohemian Rhapsody"

A fine song, but sort of pointless. It is a very interesting, entertaining monstrosity that isn’t conveying anything of human significance.

Metallica, "Fade to Black"

Listen, Metallica is a great band; I respect you and your fellow fans very much.

Incubus, "Pardon Me", "I Miss You"

I would be inclined to agree if a) I were 14, b) I had sexuality issues, c) I thought that VH1 was THE source the newest and best music, and d) I was looking for something to give me attitude after everyone in my school found out I was a big Mariah Carey fan.

Further Seems Forever "The Sound"

A fairly good band. Listen, I like a lot of the stuff that comes out of T&N, but it just isn’t timeless music. For the most part, the lyrics are the rants of 20-somethings recalling high school. As such, it speaks to high school students, most of whom buy second hand clothes and can’t quite figure out how to inhale when they smoke. And that is fine, but not U2 quality. ...might not have heard of them...


Well, I guess if I were into the drug-fueled, gay rave scene, I would like these guys, too. I mean, come on! This is soulless, heartless crap. This is anti-poetry.

"Transatlanticism" by Death Cab for Cutie

This song and band are excluded from competition by condition (a) of my challenge. What I was trying to convey with that list of names are that musicians who are firstly poets and secondly musicians (and sometimes only then as a begrudged vehicle for their writing) are of a completely different sort than those who see themselves first as musicians and second as writers. Obviously, Ben Giberd is a serious writer who falls in the first camp. U2 is so freaking good because they fall in the second camp, but still have unbelievable, thoughtful, deep, poetic, adult lyrics that are and will be eternal.

9:25 AM  
Blogger Jackscolon said...

I don't think we can have a conversation seriously discussing lyrics without mentioning the greatest lyricist of our time, Jack Black. I mean, check this song out, it succinctly expresses the rage and frustration felt by the bourgeoisie while rejecting socialism AND rocking your face off. It may even be the new French national anthem.

"City Hall"

All you people up there in City Hall,
You're fuckin' it up for the people that's in the streets.
This is a song for the people in the streets,
Not the people City Hall.
All you motherfuckers in the streets it's time to rise up,
Come along children and fuckin' rise!

Lots of times when me and KG are watchin'
All the fuckin' shit that goes down at City Hall,
We get the feeling we should fuck shit up,
Yeah we should fuckin' start a riot.
A Riot!

We have 'em screaming in the streets,
we have 'em tippin' over shit and breakin' fuckin' windows of small businesses,
and settin' fuckin' fires!
and settin' fuckin' fires!
and settin' fuckin' fires!

And then after the smoke is cleared,
and the rubble has been swept away,
me and KG will peek out our heads.
We've been watching the riots on a monitor twenty floors below sea level,
from a bunker.

We did it Rage-Kage, we beat the bastards of City Hall!
[laughs] But now what will we do?
We must rebuild. But who will lead us in the rebuilding process?
Man, it's got to be someone with the know-how
and the elbow grease to lead us to a new land.
No, not me and KG, we don't have the cognitive capacity to lead...
Alright, we'll do it!

We'll lead as Two Kings,
We'll lead as Two Kings.
Ahhhaaa (Two Kings, we'll lead as Two Kings)
Ah-ha ah-how,
We'll lead as Two Kings.

The first decree is to legalize marijuana.
The tyranny and the bullshit's gone on too long.
You old fuckin' shrivs who blocked it's legalization,
you're banished from the land!

We'll lead as Two Kings,
We'll lead as Two Kings.
Ahhhaaa (Two Kings, we'll lead as Two Kings)
Ah-ha ah-how,
Lead as Two Kings.

The second decree: no more pollution, no more car exhaust,
or ocean dumpage. From now on, we will travel in tubes!

We'll lead as Two Kings, oh, yeah,
We'll fuckin' lead as Two Kings.

Get the scientists working on the tube technology, immediately.
(Tube technology.) Chop, chop, let's go.

Third decree: no more... rich people: and poor people.
From now on, we will all be the same... ummm, I dunno,
I gotta think about that...

We'll lead as Two Kings
Ah yeah, ah yeahhhahahaha.
Ha-ha-ho-hee, ha-ha-ho-hee-ha-ha-ho-ho-ho-ho.

[JB:] Oh my God.
[KG:] Ahh... What?
[JB:] Dude, the red phone is flashing.
[KG:] Oh, yeah.
[JB:] Let me scoop that up. Hello? Two Kings.
[KG:] Who is it?
[JB:] What?! No! No fucking way!
[KG:] What?
[JB:] Rage, there's a potato famine in Idaho, you gotta go down there!
[KG:] Oh my God... what?
[JB:] Dude, I gotta stay here!
[KG:] Why do I have to go?
[JB:] Please! Please!
[KG:] Oh, God, okay.
[JB:] Awesome... is he gone? Alright, emergency meeting of Parliament.
All right Parliament, I know this is fucked up,
but Rage, he can't be King anymore.
Dudes, he's encroaching on my decrees!
Seriously, let's make him "Duke," a kick ass "Duke."
Or "leader formerly known as King," but-- uh-oh he's comin' back...

We'll lead as Two Kings, oh yes
we'll really lead as Two Kings.

[KG:] Uh, dude?
[JB:] Rage.
[KG:] I went all over Idaho...
[JB:] Yeah?
[KG:] Uh, plenty of potatoes everywhere.
[JB:] What? There was no famine?
[KG:] Yeah, there was no famine, no.
[JB:] Dude.
[KG:] I don't know what's uh...
[JB:] A toast...
[KG:] A toast...
[JB:] Long live the "D."
[KG:] Long live the "D."
[clinking of glasses]
[JB:] Long live me. I'm sorry, I poisoned your wine.
[KG:] What?
[JB:] For the good of the land.
[KG:] You p-- I poisoned yours... huh heh, as well.
[JB/KG:] Noooooooooo!!!!!

City, city, city, city, city, city, shitty.
Shitty, city, shitty, shitty, city, city, shitty.
Hall, hall, hall, hall, hall, hall, hall, hall.

People inside me are askin' me to smoke up City Hall,
'Cause no one here is talkin'.
People inside me are askin' me to blow up City Hall,
'Cause no one here is rockin'.

People inside me are askin' me to blow up City Hall,
'Cause everyone is Rock-'em Sock-'em Robots.
Everyone is Rock-'em Sock-'em Robots.
Everyone is Rock-'em Sock-'em GO! OH!

[JB:] Don't, cut that part out.

[KG:] We've got it.

10:03 AM  
Blogger StandingOutInTheCold said...

J Morgan -- I'm not going to respond to your reactions to my song choices since they're mostly opinion and there's not a lot of factual argument that can be made. I will, however, take issue with this point: "U2 is so freaking good because they fall in the second camp, but still have unbelievable, thoughtful, deep, poetic, adult lyrics that are and will be eternal."
Are you sure they fall into the second camp? Can a band that's been around for two decades and never done anything innovative or even really creative with their music claim to put music before lyrics, and considered good because of it? Don't get me wrong, The Edge is a fine guitarist, but Mark Tremonti is amazing but that doesn't mean that Creed was a band focused on music. Creed sucked hardcore. Their music was catchy, but not compelling, especially from a musical standpoint (as opposed to an emotional one). In fact, I never really considered the fact that U2 was a band focused on music because their music is so mediocre. If thats the stand you're taking I would have to say that U2 is fully a disappointment because they are a band focused on the music yet they have little musical innovation. And on top of that their lyrics are less than amazing.

Just because a band is popular with the same people for 20 years (most of the 20-30 Starbuck's crowd who love U2 now loved them since High School) does not mean that they are timeless. There are plenty of idiots out there who still listen to Green Day. I think claiming that U2's lyrics are more timeless than Queen's is ludacris. I also think its ludacris to say that "Bohemian Rhapsody" has "nothing of human significance" but again, I guess thats a matter of opinion and interpretation.

Finally, "Well, I guess if I were into the drug-fueled, gay rave scene, I would like these guys, too." I think that would have to be desirable compared with the pseudo-Christian gay scene (see above posted U2 song).

I lied when I said I wasn't going to respond to your reactions ;)

12:20 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home